When the Holidays Feel Like a Lot: Boundaries, Rest, and Mixed Feelings

If the holidays feel equal parts cozy candlelight and "why is everyone yelling about the mashed potatoes?", you're in the right place.

And if you're feeling more frazzled than festive? Congratulations, you're human. Nothing's wrong with you. Your nervous system is doing its best in a season that can feel like a group project you didn't sign up for.

You're also not alone. In an American Psychological Association poll, 89% of U.S. adults said things like money worries, missing loved ones, and expected family conflict cause them stress during the holidays, and 41% said their stress goes up this time of year (APA, 2023).

This isn't a "just be grateful" post. Hard pass. These are holiday stress tips for when your family is pushing your buttons like they're trying to reboot the Wi-Fi, your budget is crying, and your social battery is at 3%.

Give yourself permission not to do it all

You are not obligated to:

• Attend every holiday event like you're on a national tour

• Accept every invitation because someone said "it would mean a lot"

• Stay in any house, room, or conversation that drains you

• Go broke proving your love with scented candles and gift bags

Money is the top holiday stressor in that APA poll: 58% said spending too much, or not having enough to spend, stresses them out. A smaller budget is a boundary too.

Boundaries you can actually say:

• "I won't be able to make it this year, but I'm sending love."

• "I can stay for a couple of hours, and then I'm heading out."

• "We're doing a gift limit this year. It's helping us enjoy the season more."

Holiday boundaries aren't rude. They're how you get to still like people in January. If saying no is hard for you all year, not just in December, that's a pattern worth exploring. Learn more about therapy for boundaries and relationship patterns.

Schedule recovery time, not just events

If you know a holiday day is going to be a lot, plan the aftercare too. Think of it as emotional meal prep.

Try building in:

• A slow morning: coffee, pajamas, zero humans

• A nap or a no-talking evening

• Simple meals (yes, pizza counts) and minimal plans

• Time when you owe no one anything: not a text, not a smile, definitely not a casserole

Holiday stamina isn't about powering through. It's about strategic rest.

Watch out for the holiday highlight reel

Social media is about to fill up with matching pajamas, spotless homes, children who mysteriously never scream, and people with endless time to bake from scratch.

If scrolling starts making you feel behind, try:

• Muting accounts that leave you feeling worse (protect your peace, not their ego)

• Setting app time limits so you don't spiral into comparison

• Reminding yourself: you're seeing a moment, not a whole life

Nobody's posting the meltdown, the burnt rolls, or the argument about who forgot the cranberry sauce. You're doing fine.

Support your nervous system with small things

Small things add up, and your nervous system loves the basics:

• Breathe with a longer exhale. Try inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 6. In a Stanford study, 5 minutes a day of breathing with long exhales improved mood and lowered physical stress arousal, more than mindfulness meditation did over the same month (Balban et al., 2023).

• Move a little. A quick walk, a stretch, or a full-volume kitchen dance break.

• Ground through your senses. Name what you can see, hear, and touch right now.

• Eat regular meals. "Running on vibes" is not a nutrition plan.

If this season brings grief or mixed feelings

There's no right way to feel during the holidays. You're allowed to feel exactly what you feel, no holiday filter required.

You can create new rituals, skip the ones that sting, and protect your energy. Missing someone and enjoying the season can both be true at the same time. In that same APA poll, 38% said missing family or loved ones was a source of holiday stress, so if that's you, you're in good company.

When holiday stress is more than seasonal

The holidays often turn up the volume on things that were already there: burnout, anxiety, family tension, grief. If the stress isn't lifting in January, or the same family dynamics leave you drained every year, therapy can help you sort out what's yours to carry and what isn't. Learn more about therapy for anxiety, stress, and burnout.

Common questions

Is it normal to feel stressed or sad during the holidays?

Yes. In a 2023 APA poll, 89% of U.S. adults said something about the holidays causes them stress, most often money, missing loved ones, or family conflict. Feeling stressed, sad, or mixed during the season is common and doesn't mean something is wrong with you.

How do I set boundaries with family during the holidays?

Keep it short, kind, and clear, and decide ahead of time. For example: "I can stay until 4, then I'm heading home." You don't need a long explanation. Expect some pushback, and plan something restful afterward. If boundaries feel impossible all year, therapy can help.

When should I talk to a therapist about holiday stress?

Consider reaching out if the stress lasts after the holidays end, affects your sleep, work, or relationships, or if grief or family conflict feels too heavy to manage alone. You don't need to be in crisis. A free consultation is a low-pressure way to see if therapy would help.

You don't have to "holiday" like everyone else

You're allowed to take care of yourself first. If you're struggling with boundaries, burnout, or family stress this season, reach out. You don't have to handle it alone.

The first step is a free 15-minute consultation or chat. No pressure, no paperwork.

Book Your Free Consult →

Not sure who to choose? Take the Therapist Vibe Check.

Sources

• American Psychological Association. (2023). 2023 holiday stress survey: Topline report (PDF). Conducted by The Harris Poll, November 14-16, 2023, among 2,061 U.S. adults.

• Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., Weed, L., Nouriani, B., Jo, B., Holl, G., Zeitzer, J. M., Spiegel, D., & Huberman, A. D. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895.

About the author

Cassandra Sissom, LPC, LCPC (she/her), is the owner and clinical director of CLS Counseling & Consulting, offering online therapy across Missouri and Illinois. Meet Cassandra.

Adapted from our December 2025 newsletter. Last updated: October 8, 2026